By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating
At Linx Dating, we coach our clients through some of the most nuanced aspects of modern dating—including those emotionally loaded, often unexpected questions that can leave someone feeling unprepared or exposed.
One such moment just happened to a female client of ours. She’s navigating a high-profile divorce, emotionally and romantically long removed from her marriage, yet still in the thick of legal and financial finalization. During a date with a man who got divorced many years ago, he gently asked, “Are you actually divorced?”
While likely innocent in intention, the question landed like a punch. She wasn’t expecting it. It felt vulnerable and intrusive. And she didn’t know how to answer without sounding defensive or insecure.
Here’s the truth: In states like California, where the divorce process can be particularly complex and prolonged due to financial or custody matters, “divorced” isn’t always a black-and-white status. You can be emotionally done, romantically detached, and building a completely new life—and yet, still be technically “married” on paper.
So what do you do when someone asks, and your answer is more transitional than final?
Here are three ways to handle the “Are you divorced?” question with confidence and grace:
1. Lead with Clarity, Not Shame
You don’t need to apologize for being in transition. Instead, lead with emotional truth and firm boundaries.
“I’m in the final stages of my divorce. While the paperwork is still being finalized, the relationship has been over for quite some time. I’m clear, open, and emotionally available for the right person.”
By naming where you are with clarity, you communicate emotional availability without needing to defend your timeline.
2. Read the Intention Behind the Question
Sometimes this question is rooted in curiosity or a desire to understand, not judgment. For example, a widow may see divorce as uncharted territory and want to better understand your experience.
Instead of reacting, pause and ask yourself: “Is this person trying to disqualify me—or are they just trying to understand me?”
That subtle mindset shift can move you from feeling exposed to feeling empowered.
3. Redirect to Shared Values
If the conversation starts to veer into uncomfortable territory, gently redirect the conversation to shared values or future-oriented dialogue.
“The paperwork is in process, but what matters most to me is creating something new with someone I deeply respect and connect with. I’m excited about what’s next.”
This frames your response not around the past—but around who you are today and what you’re building.
Dating is vulnerable. Full stop.
And transitional periods—like separation or divorce—can bring even more layers of sensitivity, especially for high-profile individuals. What matters most is not defending your status, but owning your story. It’s okay to still be in progress and to date while in that space—so long as you’re honest with yourself and your matches about your availability and readiness.
At Linx, we champion our clients through these nuanced spaces, helping them stay grounded, confident, and emotionally agile—no matter the question.
