Romance

Festina Lente: The Dating Wisdom of Making Haste Slowly

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

In Silicon Valley, where speed is currency and innovation is measured in quarters, slowing down can feel counterintuitive. Yet over 2,000 years ago, the Roman emperor Augustus urged his people to adopt a paradoxical motto: Festina Lente — “make haste slowly.”

It’s an ancient reminder that forward motion and caution can — and must — coexist. In love and dating, this means embracing momentum with wisdom, while staying true to yourself.

The Lesson from Augustus
Augustus inherited a fractured Rome, yet he rebuilt it into an enduring empire. His guiding principle wasn’t impulsive expansion, but deliberate growth. Festina Lente meant pressing ahead with vision, but never at the expense of stability.

Dating wisdom:

  • Move forward. Try new experiences. Say yes to opportunities. Don’t let fear freeze you.

  • Do so wisely. Allow someone’s values and character to reveal themselves. Be mindful of red flags. Stay authentic — never compromise your core self for the sake of speed.

The Psychology Behind the Motto
Modern research echoes Augustus’s wisdom:

  • The Transition Rule (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979): People often overestimate the power of first impressions. Just as lottery winners return to baseline happiness, initial sparks don’t predict long-term fulfillment.

  • John Gottman’s “Sound Relationship House” (1999): Trust and love grow through turning toward each other consistently over time, not rushing into intensity.

  • Attachment Theory (Hazan & Shaver, 1987): Secure attachment develops at a steady pace — balancing forward motion with emotional safety.

  • “How Couples Meet and Stay Together” Study (Rosenfeld, Stanford, 2019): Couples who give relationships room to breathe — balancing quick starts with consistent growth — tend to form longer-lasting bonds.

Practical Homework

  1. Check your speed. Journal: are you moving too fast (exclusive by date #2), or too slow (texting endlessly without meeting)?

  2. Try one new thing. Choose an activity this week that nudges you forward (e.g., say yes to a date, attend a social event, update your profile).

  3. Pause with presence. On your next date, ask yourself: Am I being true to myself in this moment? Festina means courage; Lente means care. Together, they mean authentic wisdom in motion.


Life throws surprises. Love requires both momentum and mindfulness. Augustus knew empires weren’t built overnight — and neither are lasting relationships. Move boldly into love, but do so with wisdom, patience, and authenticity.

The Hidden Currency of Relationships: Communicating What Matters

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

In Debora Spar’s insightful article “Some Things Are Sacred: How Economics Can Help Us Protect What Matters,” she points out something we don’t talk about enough in dating: relationships often break down not because people don’t care, but because they never clearly communicated what they value.

At Linx, I see this play out constantly—even among the most self-aware, successful individuals. Spar calls these deeply human experiences “sacred goods”—things like emotional safety, loyalty, respect, and affection. These are priceless to us, but they don’t come with a visible price tag. We assume others should just know how much they matter, but without clarity, even the most well-intentioned relationships can fall apart.

Spar argues that if these sacred goods really are so essential, we need to get better at understanding and expressing what they mean to us—and to the people we love. In traditional markets, we’re taught to state value clearly. In dating? We often expect mind-reading. We downplay our needs, sugarcoat our wants, or try to be "low maintenance," only to feel unseen or misunderstood later.

That’s why one of the most important things we do at Linx is help clients get radically clear. Clear on who they are, what they’re looking for, and what they're ready to offer in return. This kind of communication isn’t just about compatibility, it’s about alignment. It’s one thing to say you want a relationship. It’s another to say, “I want to build a life with someone who prioritizes emotional depth, shared goals, and openness.” The difference isn’t subtle. It’s transformational.

We also talk a lot about emotional reciprocity. Spar notes that sacred exchanges are mutual—they require both parties to invest. If one person is doing all the emotional "producing" and the other is just receiving, things will eventually collapse. Whether it’s making plans, initiating vulnerability, or expressing appreciation, the healthiest couples understand that value flows both ways. If it doesn’t, it’s not sacred. It’s one-sided.

This is why I stress that matchmaking isn’t just about introductions. It’s also about giving people the tools to navigate the emotional economy of modern relationships: how to articulate your needs, how to listen, how to show up, and how to ask for more without guilt or fear.

So often, we’re taught that romance should just “happen,” that the right person will intuit everything we need. But the reality is, meaningful connection—just like any high-value good—requires clarity, intention, and mutual effort.

At Linx, we believe your emotional life deserves the same respect you give to your career or finances. Because when you’re clear on your value and willing to communicate it, the right person doesn’t just hear you—they recognize you.