Festina Lente: The Dating Wisdom of Making Haste Slowly

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

In Silicon Valley, where speed is currency and innovation is measured in quarters, slowing down can feel counterintuitive. Yet over 2,000 years ago, the Roman emperor Augustus urged his people to adopt a paradoxical motto: Festina Lente — “make haste slowly.”

It’s an ancient reminder that forward motion and caution can — and must — coexist. In love and dating, this means embracing momentum with wisdom, while staying true to yourself.

The Lesson from Augustus
Augustus inherited a fractured Rome, yet he rebuilt it into an enduring empire. His guiding principle wasn’t impulsive expansion, but deliberate growth. Festina Lente meant pressing ahead with vision, but never at the expense of stability.

Dating wisdom:

• Move forward. Try new experiences. Say yes to opportunities. Don’t let fear freeze you.

• Do so wisely. Allow someone’s values and character to reveal themselves. Be mindful of red flags. Stay authentic — never compromise your core self for the sake of speed.

The Psychology Behind the Motto
Modern research echoes Augustus’s wisdom:

• The Transition Rule (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979): People often overestimate the power of first impressions. Just as lottery winners return to baseline happiness, initial sparks don’t predict long-term fulfillment.

• John Gottman’s “Sound Relationship House” (1999): Trust and love grow through turning toward each other consistently over time, not rushing into intensity.

• Attachment Theory (Hazan & Shaver, 1987): Secure attachment develops at a steady pace — balancing forward motion with emotional safety.

• “How Couples Meet and Stay Together” Study (Rosenfeld, Stanford, 2019): Couples who give relationships room to breathe — balancing quick starts with consistent growth — tend to form longer-lasting bonds.

Practical Homework

1. Check your speed. Journal: are you moving too fast (exclusive by date #2), or too slow (texting endlessly without meeting)?

2. Try one new thing. Choose an activity this week that nudges you forward (e.g., say yes to a date, attend a social event, update your profile).

3. Pause with presence. On your next date, ask yourself: Am I being true to myself in this moment? Festina means courage; Lente means care. Together, they mean authentic wisdom in motion.

Life throws surprises. Love requires both momentum and mindfulness. Augustus knew empires weren’t built overnight — and neither are lasting relationships. Move boldly into love, but do so with wisdom, patience, and authenticity.

Character Is Sexy. Standards Are Everything.

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

In both love and leadership, character is the foundation.

It’s what sustains trust when charm fades. It’s what keeps you anchored when things get hard. And it’s what separates surface-level connection from something truly lasting.

Recently, I had the opportunity to hear General Stan McChrystal speak at Stanford. His message—rooted in decades of leadership and service—was clear: True character isn’t about being perfect. It’s about how we lead ourselves when no one is watching.

In his book On Character, McChrystal challenges us to push beyond performance and polish. He urges us to lead with moral clarity and personal accountability—to stop outsourcing responsibility and start living by the standards we claim to value.

The best leaders—and the best partners—lead with humility, conviction, and values that don’t waver under pressure.

And no one modeled this more fully than Abraham Lincoln.
He didn’t chase popularity.
He didn’t adapt to please the crowd.
He stood for principle.
He led with clarity, calm, and deep moral responsibility.

That same energy belongs in your dating life.

If you want someone of high character, start by being someone of high character.

That means:

• No more waiting for the “right” person to show up.

• No more blaming timing, apps, or ghosting.

• No more lowering your standards to feel chosen.

You have agency. You are not stuck.
You are in charge of who you choose, what you allow, and how you show up.

The moment everything changes is the moment you accept full responsibility—not just for your outcomes, but for your energy, your effort, and your standards.

Don’t chase chemistry. Choose character.

Don’t hope for integrity. Require it.

Don’t wish for connection. Build it—with someone who’s done the work, too.

Ask yourself: What am I choosing in love right now? And more importantly… who am I becoming?

Because in dating—just like in life—you don’t get what you want.
You get what you’re willing to walk toward with courage, clarity, and intention.

The Hidden Currency of Relationships: Communicating What Matters

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

In Debora Spar’s insightful article “Some Things Are Sacred: How Economics Can Help Us Protect What Matters,” she points out something we don’t talk about enough in dating: relationships often break down not because people don’t care, but because they never clearly communicated what they value.

At Linx, I see this play out constantly—even among the most self-aware, successful individuals. Spar calls these deeply human experiences “sacred goods”—things like emotional safety, loyalty, respect, and affection. These are priceless to us, but they don’t come with a visible price tag. We assume others should just know how much they matter, but without clarity, even the most well-intentioned relationships can fall apart.

Spar argues that if these sacred goods really are so essential, we need to get better at understanding and expressing what they mean to us—and to the people we love. In traditional markets, we’re taught to state value clearly. In dating? We often expect mind-reading. We downplay our needs, sugarcoat our wants, or try to be "low maintenance," only to feel unseen or misunderstood later.

That’s why one of the most important things we do at Linx is help clients get radically clear. Clear on who they are, what they’re looking for, and what they're ready to offer in return. This kind of communication isn’t just about compatibility, it’s about alignment. It’s one thing to say you want a relationship. It’s another to say, “I want to build a life with someone who prioritizes emotional depth, shared goals, and openness.” The difference isn’t subtle. It’s transformational.

We also talk a lot about emotional reciprocity. Spar notes that sacred exchanges are mutual—they require both parties to invest. If one person is doing all the emotional "producing" and the other is just receiving, things will eventually collapse. Whether it’s making plans, initiating vulnerability, or expressing appreciation, the healthiest couples understand that value flows both ways. If it doesn’t, it’s not sacred. It’s one-sided.

This is why I stress that matchmaking isn’t just about introductions. It’s also about giving people the tools to navigate the emotional economy of modern relationships: how to articulate your needs, how to listen, how to show up, and how to ask for more without guilt or fear.

So often, we’re taught that romance should just “happen,” that the right person will intuit everything we need. But the reality is, meaningful connection—just like any high-value good—requires clarity, intention, and mutual effort.

At Linx, we believe your emotional life deserves the same respect you give to your career or finances. Because when you’re clear on your value and willing to communicate it, the right person doesn’t just hear you—they recognize you.

Dating With Emotional ROI: Why Stability Beats Drama Every Time

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Dating Is a High-Stakes Game—Play It Like a Smart Investor
In Silicon Valley, decisions are rarely impulsive. Investors vet founders, analyze risk, and seek sustainable growth before writing a single check. Why? Because resources are finite—and return on investment matters.

Dating, too, is a form of high-stakes investing. You're choosing who gets your time, your energy, your heart. But while many people are intentional with their portfolios, they’re often reckless with their relationships. They confuse intensity for intimacy, unpredictability for chemistry, and drama for passion.

Let’s flip that narrative.

If you want a relationship that grows, compounds, and adds lasting value to your life—start dating like a smart investor. Here’s how:

1. Know Your Valuation

In the venture world, valuation reflects potential, traction, and market fit. In dating, your "value" stems from how you carry yourself: your confidence, emotional intelligence, boundaries, and the life you’ve built.
If you don’t know your worth, others will undervalue you. And if you discount yourself, the wrong people will try to buy in at a bargain. Don’t accept a low offer just because the market feels slow.

2. Avoid the Sunk Cost Fallacy

Investors cut ties when a business isn’t delivering. In dating, clinging to someone just because you’ve "already put in so much" is emotional dead weight.
Time invested doesn’t justify staying in a relationship that’s not evolving. Let go of what isn’t scaling. Reinvest in something with real growth potential.

3. Prioritize Emotional Liquidity

A partner who is emotionally unavailable is like a startup with no cash flow—burning through resources and always in crisis mode.
Healthy relationships require reciprocity, presence, and emotional bandwidth. If your love is always in limbo or one-sided, it’s time to audit that investment.

4. Don’t Mistake Volatility for Value

This is where many people get hooked: the highs are intoxicating, the lows are devastating—and it feels real.
But in reality? That’s emotional whiplash, not intimacy. A truly high-value relationship won’t destabilize you. It won’t require constant repair. It will compound quietly, deepening over time. Stability is the new sexy.

In both business and love, it’s not about short-term spikes—it’s about sustained growth. Be as strategic with your heart as you are with your career. Your emotional ROI depends on it. 

What the U.S. Marine Corps Taught Me About Dating — A Memorial Day Reflection

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

There’s a cadence I’ve always admired from afar—one that echoes through the ranks of the U.S. Marine Corps with grit, discipline, and unapologetic pride:

“I love working for Uncle Sam.”

Let me be clear upfront: I’ve never served in the U.S. Marine Corps, and I have nothing but profound respect for the men and women who do. On this Memorial Day, I especially pause to honor those who made the ultimate sacrifice. Their courage is humbling, and their commitment—unmatched.

That said, I do know this song. Literally.

During my workouts, I often listen to U.S. Marine Corps boot camp cadences. It’s one of the ways I get fired up. The rhythm, the resolve—it speaks to something deep inside me. And recently, it got me thinking:

What if we took that same spirit and applied it to dating?

Not the battle. Not the uniforms. But the mindset: Discipline. Preparation. Purpose.

Because dating—real, meaningful, vulnerable dating—isn’t for the faint of heart. It requires showing up. It requires work. It requires resilience.

Marine Corps Cadence: “I Love Working for Uncle Sam”

I love working for Uncle Sam

Let me do it one more time

I don’t mind the work

I don’t mind the hardships

I don’t mind the stress

That’s why they put me to the test

I can do it better than the rest

I’ll go that extra mile

I’ll run that extra step

I’ll carry the weight

I’ll never break

I’ll never bend

I’ll fight to the end

The Dating Parallels

1. “I don’t mind the work.”

Dating with intention means showing up again and again, even when it’s hard. Doing your emotional push-ups. Building character. Reflecting. Refining. Questioning yourself in a healthy way.   

2. “I don’t mind the stress.”

Rejection stings. Ghosting sucks. But pressure isn’t the enemy—it’s the training ground.

3. “I’ll carry the weight. I’ll never break.”

You’ve been through things. But you’re still standing. Stronger. Smarter. More self-aware. That’s not a setback—that’s strength.

4. “I’ll go that extra mile.”

You give your best—not because you’re trying to impress—but because it reflects your standards. That’s honor. That’s integrity.

A Memorial Day Reminder

Today, we remember those who gave everything so that we could live freely—including the freedom to love, to heal, and to grow.

And while I haven’t served, listening to these songs during my workouts reminds me daily to bring my best to what matters—especially relationships.

So if you’re out there dating, wondering if it’s worth it, remember this:

“I love working on my dating game.”

Not because it’s easy.

Because it’s worth it.

And because love, like anything great, demands effort.