By Amy Andersen, CEO of Linx Dating
There’s a small moment that happens early in dating — so subtle you might miss it.
They ask: “What’s your last name?”
For many, it’s casual small talk. But for others — especially high-profile professionals, public figures, or anyone navigating a sensitive transition — it can feel unexpectedly vulnerable.
At Linx Dating, I coach clients through much more than introductions. I prepare them for real-world moments like this — where connection and discretion intersect. And when it comes to personal information like your last name, I always offer this guiding principle: You are under no obligation to share your last name on a first date.
At Linx, We Lead With Discretion
My style at Linx is simple: I do not disclose last names when introductions occur. Ever. I believe that meaningful connections should unfold organically — based on chemistry, compatibility, and shared values — not a quick Google search or surface-level assumptions. That said, once the date begins and two people are talking directly, they may ask. That’s why I always advise clients to be prepared in advance, rather than caught off guard in the moment.
When that moment comes, understand that some people ask without thinking twice — and that might be something you’re not used to. It can be as simple as them being used to adding your last name to their contacts. It doesn’t have to be a red flag. But if it gives you pause, it’s worth being prepared ahead of time so you can respond in a way that feels true to you.
What to Say (Gracefully and Confidently)
If you’re not ready to share your last name, you can still respond with warmth and poise. Here are a few options that work beautifully:
“I usually wait to share last names until I’ve had a chance to get to know someone better — I hope that’s okay.”
“I’ve learned to keep things light in the early stages — it helps me stay present.”
“Mystery is underrated these days, don’t you think?” (said with a smile) And I have told client to blame me, “I’m not sure Amy would want us breaking her rules!” (Humor goes a long way).
These aren’t evasive. They’re self-aware. And they often reveal something meaningful — how the other person handles a boundary.
Privacy Isn’t Paranoia. It’s Strength
When someone asks your last name early on, it’s often well-intended. But you get to decide what you share and when. Protecting your privacy doesn’t mean you’re hiding something. It means you’re pacing things intentionally — and allowing trust to grow in real time, not through background checks. Boundaries create safety. And safety leads to deeper connection.
The Bottom Line
In early dating, you’re not just learning about the other person — you’re setting the tone for how you want to be treated. That starts with honoring your own comfort, especially when your personal information carries weight. So if your instinct is to hold back? Honor it. The right person won’t question your boundary. They’ll respect it — and look forward to learning more, the meaningful way.
Want more discreet, high-integrity dating advice? Let’s connect. I’m always here to help.