Discussing Sexual History Before Sleeping Together

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Talking about your sexual history before sleeping together is an important part of developing a healthy relationship. Spearheading this conversation will help you both understand each other better and build trust in the relationship, but it’s not always easy to talk about something so intimate—especially if you have different views or expectations. However, if you’re looking for a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship, conversation is the first step. Here are some tips on how to approach and discuss your sexual history with your partner before getting intimate.

Before discussing such a sensitive subject, set the right time and place for it. Find a quiet spot where there won’t be any distractions or interruptions so that both of you can focus on having an open conversation without feeling rushed or uncomfortable. Maybe prepare a mental outline of everything you want to cover in advance. Though it might seem less than romantic, a bit of structure to this discussion can help you both feel more at ease.

Having a conversation about your sexual history can help you and your partner make informed decisions around sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It’s crucial to be aware of each other’s sexual health status and history to ensure that you’re both taking the appropriate precautions. Having an honest conversation about health history is a sign of respect for yourself and for your partner; if you are sensing judgement or your partner is making you feel alone in the conversation, it might be for the best to delay physical intimacy until you can communicate with more openness.

Of course discussing sexual history isn’t always easy and requires a little more sensitivity. Try starting with your own sexual history and share as much detail as you would hope to receive. You might open with something like, “I’d like to take things in a more physical direction, but I just want to check in with you about what that means for me. I want to prioritize our health, so if you feel the same, let’s find some time to talk.” You taking the initiative around the subject will help set the tone for an open and honest discussion and give your partner the space to share their own experiences.

Everyone’s sexual history is different, and it’s important not to judge your partner based on their past experiences. Everyone has their own unique journey when it comes to sex and how they define sexually satisfying experiences.

If the conversation is heading in an uncomfortable direction, set boundaries and be clear about your comfort level. If there are certain topics or experiences that you’re not comfortable discussing, it’s okay to express say something like, “I think we’re in a place where I feel comfortable moving forward physically. I don’t think additional details will help us build a stronger relationship.”

Though tricky, communicating openly and honestly with your partners and prioritizing your own physical and emotional well-being will help pave the way for deeper relationships— physically and emotionally.

Single’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

Going solo can have its benefits—freedom, flexibility and "me-time"—but it's easy to feel lonely.

But fear not: research reveals that loneliness is a universal emotion many of us experience from time to time. That said, there are plenty of things you can do while riding the single wave so don't be afraid to practice some selfcare. Connecting with yourself and others will help ease those lonesome feelings until your next relationship comes along.

Embrace solitude 

Taking time to be alone can open up opportunities for self-reflection and personal development. Use this opportunity to evaluate all aspects of your life, craft achievable goals, or work on inspiring projects. Embracing solitude helps cultivate a sense of independence while also making it easier not to feel lonely in the future. 

Connect with others

While solitude can be beneficial, it's also important to invest in relationships. Whether it's through friends, family, or community, spending time with others can help you feel less lonely and more connected. Trying new group activities will bring you closer to people who share similar interests.

Pursue your passions

If you want to feel more alive and connected, try unleashing your passions! From painting masterpieces to playing music or writing stories - when we explore our hobbies with enthusiasm it can help us create a purposeful life that's filled with joy. So don't be afraid; reach out for the things you love and make them part of who you are.

Volunteer

Volunteering is a great way to give back to your community, meet new people, and make a positive impact in the world. You'll feel good knowing that you're making a difference, and you'll also meet new people who share your values and interests.

Travel

Packing your bags for a new destination can infuse your life with wonder and gratitude. It’s a great way to experience new cultures, meet new people, and get out of your comfort zone. Whether it's a solo trip or a group tour, traveling can be a great way to push you out of your comfort zone and broaden your horizons.

Adopt a pet

Bringing a new four-legged critter home has immense benefits. In a recent study concerning loneliness, studies that were conducted after the outbreak of COVID-19 mostly showed that pet ownership can contribute to lower levels of loneliness. Pets can provide us with unconditional love and comfort, and they can also be great companions. Just make sure you're ready for the responsibilities that come with pet ownership.

Start a gratitude practice

Sometimes, feeling lonely can be a result of focusing on what we don't have instead of what we do have. Starting a gratitude practice can help you shift your focus to the good things in your life and to feel more content and fulfilled.

Embracing your single life doesn't have to be lonely. Instead of fretting, find ways to fill the time with meaningful moments and personal growth. Reach out to friends, lean into hobbies or interests you've been wanting to try. Embrace the power of solitude, reach out to trusted friends or acquaintances, ignite your passions with activities that bring joy into your life; most ​importantly take care of yourself. With patience and openness comes contentment in every season – including being unattached.

Intentional Dating

By Dani Geary for Linx Dating

Are you leaving dates disappointed?  Having flings and situationships with sparks that always seem to fizzle out? Start dating with awareness and intention by considering what you bring to the table and what you are looking for, and walking away when someone shows that they are not what you seek. The healthiest and strongest partnerships form between two self-aware individuals who each can date with this framework in mind.

Know What You Have to Offer

Too often, when searching for a serious partner or relationship, the focus is outward and evades internal reflection. 

Ask yourself how you can directly improve or impact a potential romantic partner’s life.  Examples… When looking to enter a romantic relationship, you are equally as responsible as your counterpart for creating healthy expectations around communication, intimacy, etc. Are you compassionate? Able to communicate your feelings effectively and not overreact in your responses? Can you admit when you are at fault?  Or convey your needs to a partner directly without needless nuance? 

Know What You Seek

Often people stick to searching for partners who fall into their so-called “type,” due to comfort and sticking to what they have known. There is a misconception that always staying with your type will eventually bring you your ideal partner... Though this might be true sometimes, dating solely within your predetermined type is more likely to limit your dating experience and to reduce your exposure to people whom you might not have considered before – a sample group from which your perfect match could emerge.

When setting the parameters for your ideal partner, begin with the non-negotiable traits you want to see in your future partner. As just a few examples, maybe they need to manage conflict effectively and calmly, listen intently to what you say, and prioritize mindfulness or religion in their daily lives.  Next, consider some activities or things you want to do and share with a future partner.  Maybe they are an avid skier or runner, bookworm, art enthusiast, and so on.  Lastly, what are your absolute dealbreakers? Establish the qualities that you know you do not want to see in a partner. Once you balance these various elements, you can begin to create a rough but accurate outline of the type of person you are looking for – an intentional framework that can guide you accurately in dating without being completely restrictive and choking off the possibility of randomness working in your favor to create romance in the unexpected.

Know When It Is Time to Move On

STANDARDS AND BOUNDARIES… you need them and they require YOU to implement them. If you have communicated expectations and a partner’s behavior is well outside what you expect, do not wait until the third act to watch how things unfold. They have shown you how they will likely continue to operate. 

Mediating and attempting to modify and repair behaviors amidst high levels of frustration with a romantic partner is not a pattern likely to change the longer you are together. Trust what they are showing you through their actions and move on to someone who meets your standards and respects your boundaries with less difficulty or hesitation. 

In Review:

It is critical before starting your dating journey to look inside and outside yourself – who are you and what do you offer, and what do you most prioritize in a partner?  Regarding the latter, think hard about priorities… personality characteristics, beliefs, and behaviors are most key, along with trying to avoid sticking with one specific physical type. 

Lastly, trust when someone shows you who they are and how they act - stick to your standards. If someone clearly cannot meet your expectations, do not attempt to mold them into what you are looking for or assume it will get better. Move on and find the one who meets you there. 

You are now equipped with some knowledge on how to date intentionally… and now it is your turn to put it into practice! 

How Many Dates Before Making it Official?

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, How Many Dates Before Making Your Relationship Official? features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

Look for promising signs instead of counting the number of dates

If you’re wondering how to get him to commit, you’re asking the wrong question. The right man for you—an individual who is ready for a serious relationship—will show you that he is worthy of your time and affection. 

I firmly believe you need to see some promising signs before making your relationship official. So, under this theory, the actual number of dates doesn’t matter. 

Instead, look for signs that the individual you are spending considerable time with is showing you that he’s a good person and making you feel like the beautiful, intelligent woman you are. 

Here are a few signs that the person you’re dating could be worthy of making your relationship official: 

Can you rely on him for anything? 

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one. 

The wrong guy will duck out and run when times get tough or very stressful. The right guy who might be worth getting serious with and sticks by your side through thick and thin. 

While he might be stressed when life throws curveballs, he knows nothing is perfect, and things can be messy. He’s in this incredible journey called life with you no matter what. 

Does he make you feel good about yourself? 

Your man wants you to feel your best. He gives you affirmations about his feelings and isn’t afraid to express himself verbally. When you are around him, you feel good about yourself. He lifts you and makes you shine more than not. 

Compared to other relationships you’ve had or men you’ve encountered, this individual brings fun to your life. You are better with him. 

Does he make you feel safe? 

When a man is seriously interested, he wants to make you feel safe—physically and emotionally. 

In large crowds, he will help navigate you. If someone appears aggressive, your man is on alert. He’s an extra pair of eyes and ears, prioritizing your physical well-being.

If you have considered this framework and can confidently say yes to most, or ideally all of them, this strongly indicates that you’re ready to elevate your relationship to the next level. 

Have the talk and be very clear about what you want out of a relationship and ensure you’re actively listening to his needs and wants. Once you have “the talk,” go exclusive and enjoy life in technicolor!

Three Signs He is Emotionally Unavailable

UpJourney’s Article Written by The Editors, 60+ Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man features contributions from Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating (Visit UpJourney to view the full article)

Image by FreePik - Stefamerpik

“ There is nothing more frustrating than heading towards a serious, monogamous relationship only to hear your could-be-significant-other say, “I just don’t think I’m ready to commit.” 

Save yourself time, energy, and heartache by choosing men who want—not be convinced to want—a longer-term relationship and are emotionally available.

My top three signs he is emotionally unavailable: 

1. He is not intentional 

An emotionally unavailable man does not think about doing things and activities together. There are no actual plans in the works to see you. He invites you to hang out super casually, where he might mention that you should “drop by” his weekend BBQ. 

An emotionally available man makes commitments, asks you out, and figures out a time based on your schedule. You’ll also notice that dates with an emotionally available man are somewhat tailored to your preferences. 

Emotionally available men want to share great moments with you—and that starts with thoughtful planning. 

2. He’s not reliable

If he is not showing up for you, this is a big sign that he is not emotionally available. 

Being able to rely on your partner for support is a big part of a sustainable relationship, and he will want to show you that he can handle one. 

It’s easy to feel infatuated when everything is going well, but does he have staying power when things get a little, hmmm, complicated? 

How did he react when you had a blow-up at work? 

Was he available when you were sick with a nasty cold? 

If he always shows up for you, he’s showing that he’s worth the emotional investment. 

3. He’s not great with communication 

Emotionally unavailable men can make it difficult for you to understand how they feel about you. 

They are not interested in learning about you beyond the surface and are certainly not willing to put in the work in terms of communication. 

An emotionally available man can be straightforward about his feelings for you. He is attentive to the things that are important to you and is generally a good communicator. 

If you are dating someone with checks any of these signs that a man is not emotionally available, I encourage you to re-evaluate where you’re at and if your needs are being met. 

If you checked more than one of these signs, chances are you might need to muster up the courage to move on to a man who can invest in a healthy and balanced relationship with you. ”