A Day In The Life As A Matchmaker

My name is Amy Andersen I am the Founder and CEO of Linx Dating. I wake up around 6:30 am, and the first thing I do is drink coffee. It’s actually in my wedding vows that my husband brings me coffee in the morning. In our 15-year marriage, he’s pretty much never broken this vow- I must say it’s impressive. Then I get my kiddo's breakfast ready and quickly check my email and various messaging apps, including Signal, Proton Mail, and WhatsApp, to see if any high-profile or international clients have reached out overnight. After school drop off, I return home and do anywhere from 15-30 minutes of emails. 

My morning workout is a must I typically run 3 days a week, rain or shine. Other days I mix in gym sessions or neighborhood walks. I listen to all sorts of music on my runs, from hip hop and, don’t laugh- military boot camp marine sergeant recordings. Post-workout, I shower and whip up a nutritious green smoothie. I practice a relaxed form of intermittent fasting, refraining from eating until noon, as part of my disciplined routine.

Back at home, I shower up and make one of my insanely delish green smoothies loaded with organic spinach, blueberries, almond milk, and Live Pure super food smoothie cubes!  I also try to take my daily vitamins. I do a relaxed “my version” of intermittent fasting, do I try not to eat before 12 p.m..  If you haven’t noticed, I lead a pretty disciplined life. It’s a strategy that makes me successful. 

My office is about a 5 min drive from my home. I have optimized on purpose for a better quality of life and not spend unnecessary time on the road. If I have to commute to San Francisco from Silicon Valley for a client, I always have a driver so I can get work done on my laptop- plus I’m not someone who lives to drive. It’s a necessity but not a sport for me. 

My days are consumed by piling through an endless sea of emails. I get inbound inquiries on a daily basis from around the world of single men and women wanting to be matched. And as CEO of Linx, I always put myself in a prospect's shoes and ask myself, “What would it be like to email a dating service?”  Even if I can’t help someone, I always make a point to write them a personal email. It’s a highly personalized and heart-centric business, so it’s very important for me to not only be kind but empathetic and respond.

Beyond this, I am on the phone with my clients throughout the day, getting feedback from their respective dates and strategizing with them about getting to the next level in their personal lives (from exclusive to engagement or married)! 

I’m hydrating throughout the day- lots of water! I might be noshing on a salad throughout the day, fruit, another smoothie….or need a pick me up and grab an iced latte at Peets down the street! 

I might be on a Zoom with a prospect one afternoon or on with my social media team, mapping out our content or planning a VIP client social campaign. My team is constantly monitoring trends and what’s relevant, teaching me, and keeping me up to date on everything.  

I love slowing down with my family and going around the dinner table to discuss our days. It’s a moment during the day to be with one another, break bread, and catch up. I try to be home by 5 p.m. to make dinner for my family. I’m no chef, but I try to make healthy food. I’m vegetarian, and the rest of my family is not. This might mean a Door Dash salad for me and making pasta with Sautéed sausage and veg for them. I do a weekly menu on Sundays, but sometimes life gets crazy, and we need to adapt and be spontaneous. Once the family is off to bed, I catch up on emails for at least 1-2 hours every night. It’s also a time for me to match clients and think about “who” could be a fantastic fit with which client. I love how creative my job is!

Generally around 10 p.m. I will watch something brainless like Love Is Blind or The Golden Bachelor. It’s part of the job, right? I review my “To Do” List and Appts for the next day at the end of the day. I say some affirmations before bed and always think about my couples and clients. I literally visualize their happiness and success in the Matchmaking journey. I remind myself how grateful I am and so blessed to be celebrating my twentieth year in running Linx Dating. 

I am lights out at midnight and ready to go again the next day! 

Take a Chance on Love

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

I just had someone turn a potential match away because there was a 58 mile geographic divide.

Ok I kind of get it, but let’s look at the BIG picture.

That person some 58 miles away could very well be the love of your life.

You are willing to forgo meeting someone that could be your future someone because you need to drive an hour?

My parents met in San Francisco, a city they both happened to be visiting on their respective vacations.

My Dad met my Mom and fell head over heels in love with her.

He proposed NINE DAYS after knowing her. She accepted.

*Yet there was a twist to their love story*

He lived in Europe. She resided in Oregon. How could this work?

She had never been to Europe before.

But she knew he was her future.

So she packed her bags and boarded a plane and moved to be with the man who had proposed a week prior.

Here they are, married over 50 years later.

TAKE A CHANCE ON LOVE. Do not say NO to opportunities. Put yourself out there and be a bit more open-minded. You never know who you will meet when you open your heart and mind to the grand possibilities ahead.

Ask Amy: Communicating Boundaries

Image By: Annie Barnett

Question

(Woman, 33, San Francisco) [Single - actively dating]

“I’ve started dating a new guy, and I’ve noticed we’re having trouble in the conflict resolution realm. Whenever I bring up something that bothers me, he gets defensive, makes excuses and we end up arguing. For example, he ran 20 minutes late to pick me up for our last date. When I asked why he didn’t call to let me know, he said that he was in back-to-back meetings and he came to get me as fast as he could. I tried to explain that I appreciated him hurrying, but I felt really hurt that he left me. He said that I needed to relax and be more flexible. Is there a better way for me to convey my needs?”

Andersen Advice

Sounds to me like you’re trying to set boundaries and the conversation isn’t going as smoothly as you’d have hoped. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it can be very challenging to share when someone has let us down, but it’s a very important conversation to have especially as it prevents resentment from seeping in. 

If your partner isn’t receptive to the feedback, there may be several reasons why. Some people feel immense shame. Others have trouble admitting they’ve made a mistake. While there’s no way to predict your partner’s reaction, I can share best practices to help you share your boundaries in the most clear, direct way possible. 

Firstly, setting boundaries is a foundational part of any relationship. Boundaries help your partner (and everyone else) understand your needs and the behavior you will accept. When you set boundaries and stick to them, you are cultivating space for your personal growth and maintaining your peace—all good things!

With that said, your partner also has a right to set boundaries. If he has tried his best to explain his actions, and you are unsatisfied, he might need to stand his ground. If the relationship is going to work, you both need to respect each other’s boundaries and learn to compromise if your boundaries come into conflict.

Although some intuition by the two of you is important, you can’t always both be mind-readers, and that means this process of mutual “boundary setting” can only occur with healthy communication. Understandably, these talks can be uncomfortable. Maybe one of you withdraws or gets triggered and a simple conversation escalates into an argument. Either way, it’s important to initiate the conversation as calmly as possible and be open to finding a solution. 

To avoid sounding accusatory, opt for “I” statements. For example, instead of “you showed up late again and don’t care about my time”, you could say, “I would appreciate your letting me know when you are running late, or I can start to feel like I’m not prioritized.” 

Giving your partner specifics around your boundaries will also help your partner understand exactly what you need. For example, instead of “you need to text me more often”, you could say something like “It would be nice to hear from you at the end of your day – staying in close touch  matters to me.”

If your partner has a strong reaction every time you mention boundaries or repeatedly shuts you down, it’s a sign that, for whatever reason, he might not be ready to enter a mature relationship with you at this point.  Other signs that might also indicate a lack of readiness include:

1. Lacking empathy—Does your partner dismiss your feelings or gaslight you for conveying uncomfortable emotions? If you mention something that bothered you, is it always in your head or not a big deal?

2. Always having to be right—Does your partner get angry, annoyed, or aloof if you challenge him? Is he unwilling to admit when he’s made a mistake? 

3. History of unstable relationships—Does he say all his exes were “crazy”? Did his past relationships always end on bad terms?

4. Gaslighting—Is it always your fault when problems arise? If you mention something that bothered you, does he make you feel like you’re always the problem?

If any of these signs resonate, I hope you will reconsider staying in your relationship. For partnerships to grow and evolve, it takes firstly, an ability to communicate mutual boundaries and, secondly, the desire to respect them. I encourage you to find a partner who appreciates this level of communication.

Affectionately yours,

Amy

Ask Amy: Are You Ready To Date Again?

Sometimes, I meet clients who have just ended long-term relationships and are eager to get back out there. As much as I love the enthusiasm, I am an even bigger advocate for romantic readiness. What do I mean by this? Let’s take a closer look.

It doesn’t matter if you ended the relationship or your partner did, breakups carry emotional weight and the healing that needs to happen afterwards takes time. How much time? Well, that answer depends on so many variables. While I can’t offer you a definitive timeline, I can help you gauge your readiness.

Question #1: Are you really over the ex?

Let’s be honest here. Are you still googling your ex? Still keeping tabs on their Instagram? Asking mutual friends how the ex is doing? If so, I probably don’t need to tell you that you’re not ready for your next relationship. If the ex is still lingering on your mind and in your browser history, you’ll find yourself comparing every new date to your ex—wasting your time and everyone else’s.

If you’re still struggling with unresolved feelings from your previous relationship, you won’t be fully available for your next partner and you won’t be in the right mind set to recognize compatibility.

Question #2: Are you okay being alone?

As you’re healing, you might be tempted to distract yourself with flings or telling yourself that everything will be solved once you find a replacement partner. This mindset might offer some temporary relief, but ultimately it’s just a band aid for the bigger issue—you’re uncomfortable being alone.

When you’re comfortable being alone, you’re less likely to settle for the wrong person and more likely to choose a partner with whom you are truly compatible. If you can cultivate peace and joy on your own, you will be able to detect partners who complement your energy and, equally importantly, discern potential partners who aren’t aligned.

Question #3: Does vulnerability scare you?

To make the strong, emotional connections needed for a sustainable relationship, you’ll need to communicate vulnerability and openness. Talking about your sensitivities and revealing the less fabulous parts of yourself may put you at risk for rejection and heartbreak, but it’s the glue that will take your relationship to the next level.

If you’re still healing, putting yourself in a place that’s open to potentially more pain could prolong your healing process. Sharing vulnerability from a place of strength will allow you to handle any type of response.

Question #4: Did you figure out what went wrong?

Breakups are always painful, but they also provide the biggest opportunities for growth and self-reflection. Maybe you’ve realized how you can be a better partner. Maybe you’ve realized what makes a better partner for you. Either way, the close of each relationship is designed to help you optimize for the next one. Once you start reframing the past relationship as a lesson versus a complete disaster, you’re primed to make better choices in your next relationship.

Question #5: Are you excited to meet new people?

When the agony of your breakup subsides, you’ll have created some space to meet new people and welcome some fresh experiences. But, until then, the prospect of meeting someone new can feel absolutely overwhelming. Check-in with yourself and answer honestly: Are you truly excited for partnership and new adventure? Or, are you simply trying to escape heartbreak?

Final note, getting date ready after a breakup is a process. Giving yourself the time to grieve and heal will pave the way for better, healthier, and more meaningful relationships. I promise that time will heal your heart and, when you are ready, I’ll be here to help you find your next perfect partner.

Affectionately yours,

Amy

Ask Amy: How To Talk With a New Partner About Your Previous Divorce

Talking to a new partner about your divorce—or any other end to a serious relationship—isn’t easy, but it’s a necessary piece in building long-term intimacy. Leaving mystery around your separation can cause unnecessary drama in your new relationship, but it can be easily prevented with some thoughtful planning and reflection. Of course, it’s only natural to feel hesitant or nervous about bringing up the past, but it's important to spearhead open and honest conversations with your partner to ensure a stronger future together. 

Here’s how I recommend handling the details around your divorce with a new partner:

#1 Opening up

If the details of your divorce make your blood boil or you find yourself spinning when you recount the end, chances are you’ve got more to process. Instead of including your partner in your processing, take your time and work through your feelings separately. Consider working with a therapist before unintentionally unloading on your new partner. The bottom line here is that you need to have healed from the aftermath of your prior relationship before starting fresh with someone new. 

#2 Starting the conversation 

We all have a past; there’s no reason to hide yours from someone with whom you are actively trying to build a new relationship. Start the conversation with something simple: “I realized we haven’t discussed my divorce. It helped me realize who I want to be in a relationship and what I’m looking for, and I want to give you an opportunity to ask any questions.” If your partner is curious and receptive, get intentional about how and when to discuss the details. 

#3 Owning your mistakes

When you discuss your divorce with your new partner, there’s no need to play the blame game or, worse, adopt a victim mentality. Convey the broad strokes, such as why the marriage ended, what you learned from the experience, and how it's shaped your perspective on partnership. If your partner wants more detail than you feel comfortable providing, you can say that some of the more painful experiences are difficult to discuss, but you can revisit them later. Let them know that regardless of what you’re able to discuss, the chapter with your ex has closed and you are excited about your fresh start.

#4 Assure your partner

Your partner may have questions or concerns about your divorce—especially if they haven’t been married before. Be patient with them; they are navigating new territory and evaluating how your divorce could potentially affect your relationship. 

According to the American Psychological Association, the most common reason cited for divorce is "irreconcilable differences," followed by infidelity and money issues. If your divorce falls into the first category, explain what those differences were and how you are focusing on alignment within your current relationship. If it falls into infidelity or money issues, it’s important to focus on what you’ve learned and how you plan to avoid the same problems in subsequent relationships. 

#5 Focus on the future

No matter how messy or challenging your divorce was, you made it through. Divorce teaches us about ourselves and what we truly value in partnership. This knowledge paves the way for healthier, happier more meaningful relationships. Talking about your divorce and learnings after healing shows strength and maturity—qualities you need to make your next relationship last.

Helping clients rebuild their lives in the wake of divorce is just another part of successful matchmaking. No matter how messy, there is always a way forward. According to the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, “Divorce can be a stressful and traumatic experience, but many individuals report feeling a sense of relief and greater happiness after their divorce”, so just remember, you’ve gotten through the hard part. 

Affectionately yours,

Amy