Stop Looking for Hidden Meaning

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

One thing I've noticed over 23 years of matchmaking is that people often suffer more from the stories they tell themselves than from what's actually happening.

A text comes in later than expected. A phone call gets delayed. Someone seems distracted.

And before long, the mind gets to work.

"He must be losing interest."

"She's pulling away."

"I knew this was too good to be true."

The funny thing is, most of the time, nothing actually happened.

I've watched incredibly smart, successful, emotionally aware people talk themselves into anxiety over situations that didn't exist. Why? Because uncertainty is uncomfortable. Most of us would rather have a bad answer than no answer at all.

So our brains fill in the blanks.

The problem is that those blanks are often filled with fear.

When you're excited about someone, vulnerable, or coming out of a painful relationship, it's even easier to do. You start looking for clues. You analyze the text. You reread the conversation. You ask your friends what they think. You become convinced you've uncovered some hidden truth.

Meanwhile, the other person is sitting in a meeting. Or picking up their kids. Or on a plane. Or simply having a busy day.

One of the healthiest things you can do in dating is stop treating every interaction like a puzzle to solve.

Pay attention to patterns, not moments.

A delayed text means very little. Weeks and months of behavior mean everything.

Is this person showing up?

Are they making an effort?

Do their actions match their words?

Do you generally feel cared for and valued?

Those are the questions that matter.

I've found that the strongest relationships usually feel surprisingly simple. Not because they're perfect, but because neither person is constantly searching for evidence that something is wrong.

There's trust.

There's perspective.

There's room for both people to be human.

So the next time you find yourself spiraling over a delayed response, pause for a moment.

Ask yourself:

Do I have information?

Or do I have a story?

That question alone can save people a tremendous amount of unnecessary heartache.