The Story We Tell Ourselves About Dating

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

One of the most common things I hear from accomplished women is this:

“Men my age are married or taken.
If they aren’t, they want to date younger.
Or they’re just not my type.”

When a woman says this to me, I understand where it’s coming from.

Many of the women I work with are extraordinary. They have built meaningful careers, cultivated rich lives, and developed strong standards for the kind of partner they want beside them. They are thoughtful about how they spend their time and intentional about who they invite into their world.

So when dating doesn’t unfold as easily as they expected, it can feel confusing.

I want to pause here, not to dismiss this experience, but to look at it honestly.

Because while parts of this narrative may feel true, when it becomes the entire story, something subtle happens. It quietly takes away your power. It places dating entirely in the hands of circumstance instead of choice.

Over time, these narratives can harden into beliefs. And beliefs act like filters. We begin noticing only the evidence that confirms the story we’ve already decided is true.

The man who might be a wonderful match becomes invisible because he doesn’t fit the picture we had in mind.
The introduction we almost said yes to gets dismissed too quickly.
The possibility we might have explored never quite gets the chance to unfold.

This is not about blaming yourself for past experiences. Dating is complex, and many factors are outside of anyone’s control.

But one thing I’ve observed after more than two decades as a matchmaker is this: the way we frame our experiences shapes the opportunities we remain open to.

Mindset matters.

Your mindset influences who you notice.
It influences who notices you.
And it influences the energy you bring into every interaction.

When someone approaches dating with curiosity rather than certainty, the experience becomes lighter. Conversations become more interesting. Possibilities expand.

This week, I want to gently challenge the story many people carry about dating. Not with criticism, but with responsibility, clarity, and agency.

Not everything in dating is about you.

But the way you show up absolutely shapes what unfolds.

Dating often becomes easier the moment we stop asking, “Why hasn’t this worked yet?” and start asking a far more empowering question:

“How am I showing up right now?”

That shift alone can open doors you didn’t realize were there.