By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating
Use this guide to reflect, connect, and deepen your emotional intimacy. Set aside 30–60 minutes in a relaxed environment (ideally not when either of you is exhausted, hungry, or distracted). You can take turns answering the questions, or write down your answers ahead of time and share them.
Step 1: Reflect on Your Own Needs
Complete these prompts individually:
I feel most like myself when…
When I’m overwhelmed, what usually helps is…
Things that regularly drain me are…
I feel cared for when my partner…
I feel disconnected or shut down when…
A daily or weekly practice that supports my well-being is…
Step 2: Share With Each Other
Take turns sharing your answers. Listen with curiosity, not defensiveness. Try not to interrupt—take notes if something sparks a question or idea. When your partner is done, reflect back what you heard:
What I’m hearing is that ___ really helps you feel grounded.
It sounds like ___ can be draining for you, even if it seems small.
I didn’t realize that ___ makes such a big difference for you.
Step 3: Explore Supportive Actions
Answer these questions together:
How can I support your self-care in a way that feels nourishing—not like pressure or performance?
Is there something I do unintentionally that interferes with your self-care?
What’s one small action we can take this week to help each other meet a need?
When you’re having a hard time, how would you like me to show up?
(Ask: Do you prefer solutions, space, validation, physical touch?)
Step 4: Make a Plan (With Flexibility)
Create a couple-friendly rhythm:
Choose a regular time (monthly or quarterly) to check in on your self-care and relational needs.
Schedule quiet time for each of you when needed (solo walks, alone time, creative space).
Build in practices that regulate each other (examples: “Sunday night reset,” “Friday night couch check-ins,” “no phones after 9 pm”).
Step 5: End with Appreciation
Finish your conversation by each answering:
One thing I appreciate about how you care for yourself is…
One thing I appreciate about how you care for me is…
Let the conversation be connective, not corrective. You’re not aiming for perfection—just presence.
“In the Moment” Cheat Sheet
When your partner is struggling, ask:
Do you want help, company, or space?
Would it feel good to talk or just sit together?
Would it help if I ___ (brought food, cleaned up, made a plan, hugged you)?
Sometimes love is practical. And self-care is a shared language.