By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating
In both love and leadership, character is the foundation.
It’s what sustains trust when charm fades. It’s what keeps you anchored when things get hard. And it’s what separates surface-level connection from something truly lasting.
Recently, I had the opportunity to hear General Stan McChrystal speak at Stanford. His message—rooted in decades of leadership and service—was clear: True character isn’t about being perfect. It’s about how we lead ourselves when no one is watching.
In his book On Character, McChrystal challenges us to push beyond performance and polish. He urges us to lead with moral clarity and personal accountability—to stop outsourcing responsibility and start living by the standards we claim to value.
The best leaders—and the best partners—lead with humility, conviction, and values that don’t waver under pressure.
And no one modeled this more fully than Abraham Lincoln.
He didn’t chase popularity.
He didn’t adapt to please the crowd.
He stood for principle.
He led with clarity, calm, and deep moral responsibility.
That same energy belongs in your dating life.
If you want someone of high character, start by being someone of high character.
That means:
No more waiting for the “right” person to show up.
No more blaming timing, apps, or ghosting.
No more lowering your standards to feel chosen.
You have agency. You are not stuck.
You are in charge of who you choose, what you allow, and how you show up.
The moment everything changes is the moment you accept full responsibility—not just for your outcomes, but for your energy, your effort, and your standards.
Don’t chase chemistry. Choose character.
Don’t hope for integrity. Require it.
Don’t wish for connection. Build it—with someone who’s done the work, too.
Ask yourself: What am I choosing in love right now? And more importantly… who am I becoming?
Because in dating—just like in life—you don’t get what you want.
You get what you’re willing to walk toward with courage, clarity, and intention.
