Stop Looking for a Soulmate. Build a Relationship Instead.

By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating

In Silicon Valley and increasingly everywhere- dating has started to feel like the Olympics of dating.

So many choices.
So many profiles.
So many impressive, accomplished, attractive people.

When you’re surrounded by that level of optionality, it’s easy to believe that if something is right, you should feel it immediately.

Big spark.
Instant chemistry.
Total certainty.

And if that doesn’t happen?

We move on.

Not because something is wrong...but because modern dating, especially app dating, has trained us to believe that there’s always someone faster, better, more exciting waiting in the next lane.

The Olympics of Dating

Dating apps have turned connection into constant comparison.

You’re scrolling past an endless lineup of impressive people, all seemingly qualified, all “great on paper.” It creates a subtle pressure to keep upgrading- to keep searching for the gold medal match.

But intimacy doesn’t come from comparison.
It comes from focus.

And focus requires staying with one person long enough to actually know them.

The Problem With Chasing the Spark

Chemistry matters. Attraction matters.

But I’ve watched many people walk away from strong potential because the connection didn’t feel electric right away. They were waiting for a moment that would remove all doubt—some instant internal certainty that this was it.

Most meaningful relationships don’t begin that way.

They often start with comfort. With ease. With emotional safety. The chemistry deepens later, once trust has time to form.

A Better Question to Ask

Instead of asking, “Is this my soulmate?”
Ask:
“Does this person have the fundamentals I could build something with?”

Shared values.
Kindness.
Consistency.
Emotional availability.
A genuine desire for partnership.

And just as important- someone who believes that good relationships aren’t found at full speed. They’re built over time.

Why This Is Especially Hard Today

In the Olympics of dating, moving on feels rational.

If one connection isn’t instantly extraordinary, why not try the next? Why not see if someone else creates a bigger spark?

But people aren’t interchangeable.
Connection isn’t immediate.
Depth isn’t fast.

When we’re always chasing the next option, we often leave something good before it has the chance to grow into something meaningful.

What I Encourage Instead

This isn’t about settling. It’s about slowing down.

If someone shows up consistently, treats you well, shares your core values, and feels emotionally safe—stay with it a little longer. Stop comparing. Start paying attention.

The most important alignment isn’t instant chemistry.

It’s whether two people believe that a real relationship is something you build together, not something you win by moving faster than everyone else.

That’s where intimacy actually lives.