By Amy Andersen, Founder and CEO of Linx Dating
In Silicon Valley, where speed is currency and innovation is measured in quarters, slowing down can feel counterintuitive. Yet over 2,000 years ago, the Roman emperor Augustus urged his people to adopt a paradoxical motto: Festina Lente — “make haste slowly.”
It’s an ancient reminder that forward motion and caution can — and must — coexist. In love and dating, this means embracing momentum with wisdom, while staying true to yourself.
The Lesson from Augustus
Augustus inherited a fractured Rome, yet he rebuilt it into an enduring empire. His guiding principle wasn’t impulsive expansion, but deliberate growth. Festina Lente meant pressing ahead with vision, but never at the expense of stability.
Dating wisdom:
Move forward. Try new experiences. Say yes to opportunities. Don’t let fear freeze you.
Do so wisely. Allow someone’s values and character to reveal themselves. Be mindful of red flags. Stay authentic — never compromise your core self for the sake of speed.
The Psychology Behind the Motto
Modern research echoes Augustus’s wisdom:
The Transition Rule (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979): People often overestimate the power of first impressions. Just as lottery winners return to baseline happiness, initial sparks don’t predict long-term fulfillment.
John Gottman’s “Sound Relationship House” (1999): Trust and love grow through turning toward each other consistently over time, not rushing into intensity.
Attachment Theory (Hazan & Shaver, 1987): Secure attachment develops at a steady pace — balancing forward motion with emotional safety.
“How Couples Meet and Stay Together” Study (Rosenfeld, Stanford, 2019): Couples who give relationships room to breathe — balancing quick starts with consistent growth — tend to form longer-lasting bonds.
Practical Homework
Check your speed. Journal: are you moving too fast (exclusive by date #2), or too slow (texting endlessly without meeting)?
Try one new thing. Choose an activity this week that nudges you forward (e.g., say yes to a date, attend a social event, update your profile).
Pause with presence. On your next date, ask yourself: Am I being true to myself in this moment? Festina means courage; Lente means care. Together, they mean authentic wisdom in motion.
Life throws surprises. Love requires both momentum and mindfulness. Augustus knew empires weren’t built overnight — and neither are lasting relationships. Move boldly into love, but do so with wisdom, patience, and authenticity.
